You know that moment: you walk into a room full of people, scanning for a friendly face, and instead, you feel like you’re wearing an invisibility cloak. Your hands get clammy. Your heart starts racing. The chatter around you becomes white noise. You’re totally not alone—but it sure feels like you are. Gurl, I’ve totally been there too!
Before I ever stepped into a board meeting for the Women’s Fund of Central Ohio, I sat in a cozy corner of one of my favorite coffee shops, nervously cradling my latte. Across from me were two powerhouse women: one, a top executive at an international fashion brand; the other, a local icon in the restaurant industry. They had invited me to consider joining the board, and now, with the patience of saints, they were laying out what the role would entail.
I nodded along eagerly, trying to absorb their wisdom, but my inner monologue was louder than their words: “Just nod and say yes! Pretend you know what intersectionality means! … and for god’s sake, just say yes.” And eventually, I did say yes—because even though I felt unprepared, I knew I cared about gender equity and wanted to make a difference.
Fast forward to my first board meeting, and imposter syndrome hit me like a brick wall. The jargon felt like a foreign language, and Robert’s Rules of Order? It may as well have been Robert’s Rules of Chaos. I felt like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality walking into her first pageant—awkward, out of place, and unsure I even belonged in the room.
But I kept showing up.
I started researching governance basics, asked what felt like a million questions, and leaned into my discomfort. Slowly—very slowly—what began as loneliness and intimidation transformed into connection and confidence. I learned that growth often comes from those messy, awkward moments of stepping into spaces where we feel like we don’t belong—and realizing that maybe, just maybe, we do.
Loneliness isn’t just a fleeting feeling; it’s a social epidemic. Research shows that disconnection can harm us as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Yet many of us feel it daily, especially when navigating new spaces where we feel out of place.
My latest Deep Brew article, Not Every Friendship Deserves Forever, explores a parallel truth about connection: some relationships fade because they no longer serve our growth. But what about the connections that never even start? Whether it’s the quiet death of old friendships or the daunting first step toward new ones, both highlight the courage and self-awareness it takes to build meaningful relationships.
Societal expectations don’t help. They tell us connection should be effortless—like a rom-com meet-cute or childhood friendships that magically last forever. But real life isn’t scripted. Finding meaningful relationships, especially in unfamiliar or intimidating spaces (like anything connected to civics… or in midlife), takes effort, patience, and a willingness to face discomfort.
Small Good Things
Start Small: Invite a colleague for coffee or join a casual neighborhood group. One conversation can be a gateway.
Learn Something New: Take a class or volunteer. Shared activities naturally foster connections.
Reframe the Fear: Instead of “What if I don’t belong?” ask, “What could I gain by showing up?”
Ready to take a bigger step??? Here are a few Big Good Things:
Cultivate a Growth Mindset: Embrace discomfort as a stepping stone to connection, not a wall.
Prioritize Shared Values: Seek spaces aligned with your beliefs to find kindred spirits.
Create Your Own Table: If the spaces you enter don’t feel welcoming, build one that does.
Loneliness can make us feel like we’re shouting into the void, but connection is closer than we think. It starts with showing up—even if it’s messy or intimidating. The friendships worth building are those that make space for who we are and at whatever stage we are in our journey. So, let’s talk! Have you felt the sting of loneliness when trying to connect? Reply and share your story—I’d love to hear about your experience. In the meantime, share this with a friend who needs to hear this message.
Love + Light -
Sophia
Share this post