If we met today, would we still be friends?
Some friendships are timeless, like your favorite No Doubt album—still iconic, still fun, and still worth blasting in your car. Others? Are more like that one Tracy Chapman song that makes you sit in your car and question everything. And some? Well… some were never meant to last. They were just a burned mix CD from another season of your life.
Because the truth is, not all friendships are forever. Some evolve as you do. Some fade without you realizing it. And some? Some quietly stop being friendships at all—they’re just a collection of shared history and polite conversations about the weather.
So, let’s be real: Are your friendships feeding you, or are you just keeping them alive out of habit?
Step One: The Friendship Audit
Three quick questions. No overthinking. Write down a friend's name. Do it now, answer these three questions... and, just go with your gut:
Does this person bring me joy?
Do I feel like I can be fully myself with them?
Do they challenge me to lean into my most authentic self?
If the answers are yes, yes, and yes—huzzah, you’ve got a friendship worth watering. If the answers are more like ehhh, kind of, and absolutely not, then maybe, just maybe, you’re keeping a friendship around out of obligation instead of actual connection.
Step Two: Accepting That Adult Friendship is Hard
Look, I get it. Letting go of friendships feels mean. No one wants to be the Regina George of the neighborhood, strutting around like, “You can’t sit with us” to every familiar face. But sometimes—okay, far too often—we hold onto friendships not because they bring us joy, but because the alternative, admitting they’ve run their course, feels so much worse.
And here’s the thing: Making friends as an adult is really f*cking hard.
People are busy. They’re raising kids, caregiving, working, or just trying to get through the day without falling apart after five minutes of doomscrolling. When connection is this scarce, it’s tempting to cling to the friendships we already have—even if they don’t fit anymore. And honestly? That sucks.
I’m nearly 40, and somehow, I’m still becoming. By now, I thought I’d have it all figured out. But the truth? Growing up doesn’t mean you stop growing—it just means finally giving yourself permission to be who you’ve always been. And that process? Exhilarating. Terrifying. And, if I’m being brutally honest, sometimes it’s lonely as hell.
Because making friends in adulthood is one thing. Making friends when you’re shifting into a new season of self-discovery? That’s a whole other level of WTF am I even doing?
I want friendships that feel like the perfect playlist on repeat—where I can go from full-on Spice Girls joy to boygenius-level deep conversations without missing a beat. The kind of friendships that hold both Brandi Carlile’s raw truth and—the moody nostalgia of Smashing Pumpkins.
We all want a village of people who get us. A real-life tribe, not just an online one.
And me? I’m no different. I want people who get me.
And honestly? I think we all do.
**Speaking of—anyone want to go to Glennon Doyle’s book tour in Nashville this summer? I have one extra ticket, and I don’t want to go alone. So…. if you read this and thought, Wait, I’m a Glennon girlie too, let’s make it happen.
Look, finding our people—the ones who truly see us, challenge us, and make us feel alive—starts with just putting it out there. Saying I’m here. Are you?
So, let’s go after it. Let’s stop waiting for connection and start creating it. Who’s in?
Small Good Things
Send the text. "Hey, I just want you to know that I love the way you show up in my life." Doesn’t need to be fancy. Just do it.
Test a new connection. Ask someone you kinda like to coffee. Friendship has to start somewhere.
Water what’s working. If a friend is filling your cup, give that relationship more light, air, and attention.
Big Good Things
Let a friendship go… gently. No big break-up speech required. Just stop over-investing in something that no longer serves you.
Find a new friend IRL. Join a group, attend a local event, or find a concert buddy. Maybe even a book tour buddy?
Be the friend you wish you had. Show up. Check in. Bring the energy you want to receive.
What Now?
You don’t have to make a big announcement. Just spend your time where the joy is.
The best friendships aren’t about longevity—they’re about love. And love? That’s always worth showing up for.
Because when the world feels unbearable—when the news is too heavy, when the fights feel endless—it’s not just policies or protests that keep us going. It’s people. The ones who remind us why we care in the first place. The ones who make us braver, louder, more willing to fight for something better.
Friendship is for the people who make us bold enough to show up for the world—every damn day.
Love + Light,
Sophia
P.S. Now it’s your turn… What’s on your friendship playlist, and what is your Friendship Audit telling you?
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