🍋 Issue #9 | How to Talk (and Actually Connect) this Thanksgiving

Why Hard Conversations Matter for Democracy

Note: Before we dive in, I just have to say THANK YOU. To you. Yes, YOU. OMG. When I published my first post in August, I honestly thought it would just be my mom reading (hi, Mom!) and maybe a pity subscribe from my best friend. But here we are, a few months later, with over 500 of you tuning in. 500!!! Thank you for reading, sharing, and caring. You are, quite literally, the reason I keep hitting “publish” and the literal bee’s knees. 🤩 So, sincerely, thank you so much for giving a damn and showing up.

Okay, now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Heyyyyy gurl hey….😏

Let me just say it: dodging family conversations this Thanksgiving because you’re afraid of that cousin’s opinions is the emotional equivalent of dumping a can of cranberry jelly on a plate and calling it a side dish. Sure, it’s easier in the moment, but it’s not nourishing anyone in the long run. And don’t lie—we all know this is true.

I know, I know—every post out there is telling you to skip the political chatter and maybe even the whole dinner. Protect your peace. Set your boundaries. Stay home. And hey, boundaries matter! And, to an extent, I agree. However, here’s the truth no one wants to admit: peace isn’t the absence of conflict. It’s the presence of love, even when it’s uncomfortable.

We’re living in a time where avoiding the hard stuff feels like self-care, but I think it’s something deeper: fear. And fear has never been the fuel for change. If we want the world to look different—kinder, fairer, more just—it has to start with how we show up in the places that test us most.

So this Thanksgiving, instead of ghosting Grandma’s table or pretending your brother-in-law didn’t just say that, try leaning in. Not with the intent to win, but to connect. Here’s how.

3 Courageous (and Slightly Messy) Ways to Lean In

1. Channel Ted Lasso: Curiosity Over Judgment

   Ted Lasso wasn’t wrong when he said, “Be curious, not judgmental.” Instead of pouncing on someone’s hot take with a clapback, try asking them why it matters to them. Research shows that curiosity reduces defensiveness and fosters empathy. Instead, say something like, “That’s an interesting perspective—what led you to feel that way?” It’s disarming, it’s kind, and honestly, it’s harder than dropping a sarcastic one-liner.

2. Turn It Into a High-Stakes Friendsgiving Game

   Remember the Thanksgiving episode of Friends where Monica put a turkey on her head? That chaotic energy might be exactly what your family needs. Psychologists call this “perspective-taking,” and it’s been shown to reduce polarization by increasing understanding of opposing views. Example: “Let’s make it fun—everyone has to argue the opposite of their usual opinion for two minutes. Winner gets the last slice of pie.” It’s silly, unexpected, and gets everyone out of their ideological trenches, even if just for a moment.

3. Name the Elephant in the Room (with Love)

   One of my favorite quotes by bell hooks is, “Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust.” Instead of dancing around the tension, try naming it with love. “I know we don’t all agree, but I care deeply about each of you, and I want to understand your perspective.” A report from The Brookings Institution notes that empathy—not agreement—is key to bridging divides. When you lead with vulnerability, you invite connection, not combat.

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What If Thanksgiving Was Democracy’s Dress Rehearsal?

Look, I know we’re anxious. And, for many of us, we’re living in a sincere space of fear. But don’t let fear dim the light of good.

A Washington Post article noted that only one in four Americans can name all three branches of government. But civics isn’t just about what we know—it’s about how we treat each other. What if the Thanksgiving table became a space to test-drive the world we dream of, one awkward but honest conversation at a time?

Friends, I’m not saying it’s easy. Loving someone you disagree with is hard work. But if love isn’t showing up when it’s hard, then what’s the point? So this year, instead of staying silent or staying home, let’s lean in—with courage, with curiosity, and maybe with a little (okay, a helpful pour) of wine, too.

With cranberry sauce and conviction…

Love + Light,

Sophia

P.S. For more thoughts on how to love even when it’s hard, check out this post: Deep Brew: Finding the Courage to Love Through Disagreement.

P.S.S. Did this article resonate with you? Don’t hold it in; share it with a friend.