8 Ways to Build a Society Where Differences Don't Lead to Violence
Free Resource: Beyond Posting "This Is Terrible" - What You Can Actually Do
Yesterday, I was standing in front of my class teaching about the history of philanthropy—from ancient civilizations to influential figures like Andrew Carnegie, Jane Addams, and Martin Luther King Jr.—when my phone started buzzing with news alerts.
Charlie Kirk, shot dead at a Utah university.
A school shooting at Evergreen High School in Colorado.
Two separate acts of violence on the same day, both happening while I was literally teaching college students about how people throughout history have chosen to show up for each other instead of tearing each other down.
The irony wasn't lost on me. There I was, sharing Alexis de Tocqueville's famous observation that America's strength lies in our ability to form associations—to come together across difference for the common good—while the outside world seemed to be proving the opposite.
America, here's what I kept coming back to: we as individuals have the power to build the pluralistic society we demand.
I saw countless posts yesterday from people across the political spectrum condemning these acts of violence. And I thought: if we can agree that violence is wrong, what are we actually doing to create the alternative?
Because posting "this is terrible" isn't enough anymore.
We need to take responsibility for building a society where differences don't lead to violence. [ full stop ]
So, inspired by the medieval philosopher Maimonides, here are eight practical ways we can build the pluralistic, peaceful society we say we want… starting exactly where we are.
Level 8: Acknowledge Common Humanity (Even When It's Hard)
Recognize that even people you deeply disagree with are human beings worthy of basic dignity. This doesn't mean agreeing with harmful ideologies, but it means starting from a place of shared humanity rather than dehumanization.
Level 7: Stop Amplifying Division Online
Before sharing that outrageous political post, ask yourself: "Does this bring people together or tear them apart?" If it's the latter, don't share it. Period.
Level 6: Engage With People You Disagree With Respectfully
Have real conversations with people who think differently than you do. Not to change their minds, but to understand them as humans with real concerns.
Level 5: Support Organizations That Build Bridges
Put your money where your mouth is by supporting nonprofits that bring people together across political, racial, or religious divides rather than those that demonize "the other side." I'd be remiss to not mention the organization I lead, the Columbus Metropolitan Club, whose mission is connecting people and ideas for the common good.
Level 4: Create Spaces for Difficult Conversations
Host dinners, book clubs, or discussion groups where people with different viewpoints can share their perspectives in a structured, respectful environment in your home, work, school, etc.
Level 3: Model the Behavior You Want to See
Be the person who changes the subject when conversations turn toxic. Be the one who speaks up for someone being attacked, even if you disagree with them. Show others what principled disagreement looks like.
Level 2: Build Coalitions Around Shared Values
Find people who share your values but come from different political backgrounds, and work together on issues you both care about. Focus on the work, not the politics.
Level 1: Teach Others How to Do This Work
The highest level: help others develop the skills to build pluralistic communities. Mentor someone in bridge-building. Teach conflict resolution. Share what you've learned about having difficult conversations.
Look, I don't know why Charlie Kirk was killed. I don't know what drove a teenager to shoot his classmates in Colorado. But I do know this: violence grows in the soil of dehumanization.
And we each have a choice about what kind of soil we're creating.
As de Tocqueville observed, Americans have always been association-builders. We come together. We figure things out. We solve problems.
But that only works if we choose to see each other as worth solving problems with rather than problems to be solved.
Love + Light,
Sophia
P.S. If you found this helpful, I'd love for you to share it with someone who might need it. Building bridges only works if more people learn how to do it.
“But that only works if we choose to see each other as worth solving problems with rather than problems to be solved.”
YES. This this this
These aren't differences. They are ideologies and identities thoroughly incompatible with one another. It's the paradox of tolerance. If a society tolerates intolerance, it becomes it. If there's one Nazi sitting at the table, then everyone at that table is a Nazi.
Charlie Kirk was a hateful, evil man. He spewed lies and thought of empathy as a sin. He thought school shootings were worth it for the 2nd Amendment. He wanted to revoke Civil Rights. He spread transphobic rhetoric not based in any truth.
You cannot be better than a group who works under different rules. There is no common morality because they are hateful hypocrites to the core. Where was their outcry about political violence when Melissa Hortman, her husband and their dog were assassinated in their home? Charlie Kirk joked that someone should pay the bail to release the man that brutally attacked Nancy Pelosi's husband with the intent of murder.
Now is not the time to preach tolerance and discussion. We've tried that for years now and it doesn't work. They do not operate under any logic. They are a cult that writes their own rules and remains willfully ignorant to fact. They do not care what we say, they will call us violent anyways. What they want is violence. And they will do anything to get it. (Even murdering one of their own, perhaps? I wouldn't put it past them...)
Some people are beyond saving. They know what they're doing and they don't care. We are not human to them. Do not think for a second that they wouldn't kill us if given the go ahead.